Thomas J. Nelson, REALTOR ® e-Pro CRS RCS-D Vets, CEO of Vision Drive Realty - Coastal San Diego (Big Block Realty 858.232.8722)

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Pete Xavier
Investments to Luxury - Pacific Palisades, CA
Outstanding Agent Referrals-Nationwide

Remind him... "Happy Wife, Happy Life!"

Jun 30, 2018 07:08 AM
Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Los Angeles Pasadena 818.516.4393

Win some, lose some. Next.

In real estate. And in life. Hopefully,  there are more winning" moments. 



Jun 30, 2018 08:32 AM
Candice A. Donofrio
Next Wave RE Investments LLC Bullhead City AZ Commercial RE Broker - Fort Mohave, AZ
928-201-4BHC (4242) call/text

These pesky spouses are just cramping your style lately, aren't they TJ?

Fortunately, it's Mama in your corner. She's the one that's going to need to do the convincing. Maybe she's got a few boudoir tricks up her sleeve. 😈

Since the agent competitor is his friend, you may want to bring up that sometimes it's better not to have your friends work with you because complicated transactions can put stress on friendships.

Let us know what happens!

Jun 30, 2018 07:01 AM
Ryan Huggins - Thousand Oaks, CA - Thousand Oaks, CA
Residential Real Estate and Investment Properties

Since this is a divorce, that can be tricky.  Seems like the wife either doesn't have any agent friends, or wants a neutral third party (smart).  The husband wants someone in his corner with his interests at heart only.  My only thoughts on this are: 1) Like Maria Sapio said "Contact the divorce attorney and let him/her advise the clients."  2) Offer to co-list with the friend  3) Walk away from the listing and just have the wife as a buyer client... asuming she stays in the area.

Jun 30, 2018 09:36 AM
Richard Bazinet /MBA, CRS, ABR
West USA Realty - Scottsdale, AZ
Phoenix Scottsdale. Sellers, Buyers & Relocations

Right.... happens, and it's a tough one. Happens a lot in divorce/separation sales.... ask hubby "what would it take for me to win you over" and/or take him out for lunch and build a buddy rapport...

[If anything goes wrong with the sale, do you want the wife to blame you for making the wrong choice?]

[Want a 'friend' to handle your personal affairs and details of your financials? And what if there's a problem or issues that you don't agree with your friend, will your friend remain your friend? Will your 'friend' tell it to you in your face? Don't forget, real estate is business, friendship and business don't mix....]

Jun 30, 2018 09:12 AM
Mike Cooper, Broker VA,WV
Cornerstone Business Group Inc - Winchester, VA
Your Neighborhood Real Estate Sales Pro

Just had that happen last year. It was a divorce situation. The wife won that one. She hired her friend. 

Jun 30, 2018 07:10 AM
Maria Sapio
Keller Williams of Central PA - Carlisle, PA
Real Estate Agent- Carlisle, PA.

Yes, I actually faced a similar situation - it was very 'sticky' and I recommended that he discuss this with his divorce attorney.  In the end, I willingly gave up the listing since it was in the best interest of my client and my sanity and I was the buyer agent for the new home he purchased.  

Peace trumps 'pay' - so think this one over...if the spouse is determined to be uncooperative, this could be a nightmare you may want to forgo...

Jun 30, 2018 07:05 AM
Susie Kay
Ultra Real Estate Dallas Fort Worth - Plano, TX
North Dallas Specialist

I had that last year due to a divorce.  Wife wanted to hire me but husband wanted to hire someone else because of the reduced fee.  Then wife got back to me and asked to reduce my fee lower than the other agent by giving part of my commision under the table to her. No thanks. 

Jun 30, 2018 04:05 PM
Lyn Sims
Schaumburg, IL
Real Estate Broker Retired

You have to let them fight it out. Most of the time the wife wins.

Jun 30, 2018 12:14 PM
John Juarez
The Medford Real Estate Team - Fremont, CA

Ask for a sit-down with the couple. If you can achieve this meeting, explain in a very non-aggressive, non-confrontational manner why you are an excellent choice to represent them. You already know the husband favors the friend/agent. If “friend” is the only attraction for the husband, show him facts about your ability to provide excellent results based on your skills and experience.

In the end, they will make a decision. If the decision is based on fear of offending a friend, there is nothing that you can do. If the decision is based on looking out for their best interest, you should be the choice.

Jun 30, 2018 08:57 AM
Barbara Todaro
RE/MAX Executive Realty - Happily Retired - Franklin, MA
Previously Affiliated with The Todaro Team

it's out of's up to the woof now to convince him!!!!  Pete Xavier has this right.... husband better wake up.

Jun 30, 2018 07:16 AM
Debe Maxwell, CRS
Savvy + Company (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
The right Charlotte REALTOR!

I had this situation last year, Thomas - wife was my buyer client, attorneys could not agree on an agent and I actually stepped aside for two reasons - they could not agree on a price and both were seeking a far higher-than-value price. Secondly, the husband had bought a home in the same community and was already 'bothering' the wife on a daily basis. I knew he would interfere with the sale if I had been selected so, I bowed out.

Had I really wanted the sale, I would have pulled my stats and the other agent's data as well and shared that information with both husband and wife and the two attorneys. 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, Thomas!

Jun 30, 2018 06:58 PM
Kevin J. May
Florida Supreme Realty - Hobe Sound, FL
Serving the Treasure & Paradise Coasts of Florida

Ninety nine times out of a hundred if the wife wants to hire me I'm in like Flynn! I don't have to say a thing.

Jun 30, 2018 11:15 AM
Will Hamm
Hamm Homes - Aurora, CO
"Where There's a Will, There's a Way!"

I am with Pete Xavier on his answer


Jun 30, 2018 08:27 AM
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Estate Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate

I have not had that happen.  I'd invite them to dinner to discuss their concerns ... her concern about hiring husbands friend and his concern over hiring you.  Lay it all out there. 

YOU will get to a meeting of the minds with them because he will see the light and you will be hired. 

Jun 30, 2018 07:50 AM
Jordan Ayan
The Lifestyle Collection - Scottsdale, AZ
Luxury Market Expert, CLHMS,Million Dollar Guild

Can you provide comparison statistics that support your side of the argument for her to share with her husband?

Jun 30, 2018 07:28 AM
Wayne Martin
Wayne M Martin - Chicago, IL
Real Estate Broker - Retired

Assess whether it is worth the effort first. What is the situation requiring a sale

Jun 30, 2018 07:20 AM
Annette Lawrence , Palm Harbor, FL 727-420-4041
ReMax Realtec Group - Palm Harbor, FL
Making FLORIDA Real Estate EZ

"How would you win over the other spouse."

The ramification of continued interference is far reaching.

Now, if the intent is a future sale due to divorce, the interference strategy may be justifiable.

But, today, the wise agent will give them the space to work out this 'power struggle' issue on their own.

An alternative would be a meet up with the "NO" and in the privacy of the meet, share your desire for their success and how you are available to add any assistance. "Oh, just for my benefit," you ask, "I know you have made up your mind, but would you share with me your reason for choosing your friend?"  Be alert for indications the decision is based completely on avoiding shame. (a real clue).

The reality is, the FRIEND stayed in touch, created value and had a strategic advantage you could not attain. That is why we spend all that money on those relationship programs and spend money on special events. Your opponent was diligent and could prevail. Actually, in the kingdom or real estate, this agent would be considered completely inept if you were were allowed to negate his advantage.

Your take away is creating relationships based on value, perceived or real, works. Just as we have all learned to avoid Mommy's judgment, we must understand the rest of the world also wants to avoid shame. 

Research the principles behind the creation of Rocket Mortgage and the means to circumvent shame may become apparent.

Jun 30, 2018 07:14 AM
Lynnea Miller
Bend Premier Real Estate - Bend, OR
Premier Real Estate Service in Central Oregon

Although not good, we have experienced co-listings with both agents. 

Jun 30, 2018 11:34 AM
Tony Lewis
Summit Real Estate Group - Valencia, CA
Summit Real Estate Group Valencia & Aliso Viejo

It happens often and that is a great situation.  I would rather have them hash it out prior to making an offer instead of fighting and dragging their feet and ultimately canceling escrow. I always tell my clients that it is okay if one of the parties sees the home alone because if one doesn't like the home there is no need in showing the other and it gives them a chance to see a home that otherwise might be sold before both have time to meet with us.

Jun 30, 2018 11:31 AM
John Pusa
Berkshire Hathaway Home Services Crest - Glendale, CA
Your All Time Realtor With Exceptional Service

 Thomas J. Nelson, Realtor, ePRO, CRS, RCS-D it can get complicated.

Jun 30, 2018 10:29 AM
Dave Halpern
Dave Halpern Real Estate Agent, Inc., Louisville, KY (502) 664-7827 - Louisville, KY
Louisville Short Sale Expert

Happens a few times a year

Jun 30, 2018 10:27 AM
Richie Alan Naggar
people first...then business Ran Right Realty - Riverside, CA
agent & author

Its tough to come against beliefs (even our own) in many matters...the moment we/they are in may have the answer

Jun 30, 2018 09:06 AM
Steve Higgins
RE/MAX Kelowna - Kelowna, BC

I had the same thing happen to me. The wife hired me and the husband hired his own agent from a different brokerage.

Jun 30, 2018 06:08 PM
Debbie Reynolds, C21 Platinum Properties
Platinum Properties- (931)771-9070 - Clarksville, TN
The Dedicated Clarksville TN Realtor-(931)320-6730

This happened to me last year and I lost after being of assistance on many real estate matters through their bankruptcy. I think the husband was embarrassed that I knew so much about how he took the family into financial ruin spending his children’s trust account, etc. 

Jun 30, 2018 02:58 PM
Richard Weeks
Dallas, TX
REALTOR®, Broker

Pete has your answer.

Jun 30, 2018 10:20 AM
Olga Simoncelli
Veritas Prime, LLC dba Veritas Prime Real Estate - New Fairfield, CT
CONSULTANT, Real Estate Services & Risk Management

I saw a situation where the court finally had to appoint an agent.

Jun 30, 2018 08:22 AM
Carol Williams
Although I'm retired, I love sharing my knowledge and learning from other real estate industry professionals. - Wenatchee, WA
Retired Agent / Broker / Property Manager

I don't recall that happening but if it did, I would probably just back away because, if things got complicated, the opposing spouse would be quick to be critical and make the job even more difficult. 

Jun 30, 2018 08:02 AM
Jeff Dowler, CRS
eXp Realty of California, Inc. - Carlsbad, CA
The Southern California Relocation Dude

Hasn't happened but have lost out to a new agent and relative of the sellers a couple of times.

Jun 30, 2018 07:45 AM
Jennifer Mackay
Counts Real Estate Group, Inc. - Panama City, FL
Your Bay County Florida Realtor 850.774.6582

Pete Xavier has my go to answer as well

Besides, you can't fire friends and keep them as friends :)

Jul 01, 2018 11:35 AM
Tony and Suzanne Marriott, Associate Brokers
Serving the Greater Phoenix and Scottsdale Metropolitan Area - Scottsdale, AZ
Haven Express @ Keller Williams Arizona Realty

Pete Xavier nailed this one!

Jul 01, 2018 07:07 AM
Praful Thakkar
LAER Realty Partners - Andover, MA
Andover, MA: Andover Luxury Homes For Sale

Thomas J. Nelson, Realtor, ePRO, CRS, RCS-D - let us know how did you 'WIN', my friend....

Jun 30, 2018 10:26 PM
Tammy Lankford,
Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668 - Eatonton, GA
Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville

I don't even try.  If they aren't on the same page I don't want them for clients.

Jun 30, 2018 08:44 PM
Paul S. Henderson, REALTOR®, CRS
Fathom Realty Washington LLC - Tacoma, WA
South Puget Sound Washington Agent/Broker!

It's usually the other way around where the husband wants to hire me and the wife wants to hire someone else. I win those battles about 50% of the time Thomas...

Jun 30, 2018 08:26 PM
Ron and Alexandra Seigel
Napa Consultants - Carpinteria, CA
Luxury Real Estate Branding, Marketing & Strategy

One solution may be to co-list, and another one may be to pass on the listing, because there may be trouble ahead with the two pecking at each other divorce style!  A

Jun 30, 2018 08:19 PM
Bob Crane
Woodland Management Service / Woodland Real Estate, KW Diversified - Stevens Point, WI
Forestland Experts! 715-204-9671

I thought you were talking about something else at first, yes it happens.


In your situation, remind him how important it is to keep the wife happy, much more important than hiring his friend.

Jun 30, 2018 07:21 PM
Joe Pryor
The Virtual Real Estate Team - Oklahoma City, OK
REALTOR® - Oklahoma Investment Properties

Works both ways.

Jun 30, 2018 01:27 PM
William Feela
Realtor, Whispering Pines Realty 651-674-5999 No.

Well that would depend on the reason for saying no or yes

Jul 01, 2018 08:00 PM
Sandy Padula & Norm Padula, JD, GRI
HomeSmart Realty West & Florida Realty Investments - , CA
Presence, Persistence & Perseverance

"Just who wears the pants in your family" then shut up and watch the heads roll

Jul 01, 2018 09:57 AM
Gloria Valvasori, Accredited Senior Agent
REAL Experience | REAL Commitment | REAL Results!

I would recommend that mixing business with personal relationships sometimes does not bode well, and relationship can be irreparably damaged.  It's diffiuclt to fire your agent if things don't go well if he/she is a personel friend.  Maybe pay a small referral fee to the other agent??

Jul 01, 2018 08:45 AM
Richard L. McKinney P.A.
Atlantic Shores Realty Expertise - Port St Lucie, FL
For Results that MOVE you on the Treasure Coast!

Thomas J. Nelson, Realtor, ePRO, CRS, RCS-D 

You are going to have a tough time convincing the other party. When the spouse is the husband then I challenge his competitive nature. 

I would ask the husband to do you one favor and to compare the closed number of closed transactions over the last 12 months and let the one with the most closings win. That would place the husband in a dilemma with his natural instincts to go with a winner over the other agent just because he knows them. 

If you lose on transactions then you just lose. 

Jul 01, 2018 08:09 AM
Gabe Sanders
Real Estate of Florida specializing in Martin County Residential Homes, Condos and Land Sales - Stuart, FL
Stuart Florida Real Estate

I typically don't get into the fight between the couples.

Jul 01, 2018 05:17 AM
Dan Tabit
Keller Williams Bellevue - Sammamish, WA

Compare track records, be honest and open in showing both objectively and ask them to make the decision that's best for them. 

Jun 30, 2018 10:53 PM
Gita Bantwal
RE/MAX Centre Realtors - Warwick, PA
REALTOR,ABR,CRS,SRES,GRI - Bucks County & Philadel


Jun 30, 2018 03:04 PM
John Henry, Florida Architect
John Henry Masterworks Design International, Inc. - Orlando, FL
Residential Architect, Luxury Custom Home Design

This is a near impossibility.  In my experience the stronger, leading spouse wins over.  However, the alpha spouse also cedes to the weaker in most cases...

Jul 30, 2018 05:04 AM
Joan Cox
House to Home, Inc. - Denver Real Estate - 720-231-6373 - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - Selling One Home at a Time

Yes, it was a divorce, and sat down with both, and did get the listing.

Jul 04, 2018 07:13 PM
Fred Griffin Florida Real Estate
Fred Griffin Real Estate - Tallahassee, FL
Licensed Florida Real Estate Broker

  Let their lawyer decide. 

Jul 02, 2018 09:41 PM
Wayne Zuhl
Remax First Realty II - Cranford, NJ
The Last Name You'll Ever Need in Real Estate

I stay out of it. If they choose me, great. If they choose the other person, I'll get the listing when it sits unsold for 6 months.

Jul 02, 2018 04:41 AM