maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name.3. Help someone when they are in trouble, and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.4. Many people a...

  The HISTORY OF NEW MATH1. Teaching Math In 1960s (when I was in school)A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ? 2. Teaching Math In 1970s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the pr...

The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmas time?Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home  very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then ...

Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives.The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and kne...

Bumper-Stickers Seen On Military Bases: "When in Doubt, Empty The Magazine" "Sniper - You can run, but you'll just die tired!" "Machine Gunners - Accuracy By Volume" "Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything." " U.S. Marines - Certified Counselors to...

 Letter to the Men's Helpline:     Hi Andy, I really need your advice on a serious problem:   I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.  The usual signs:  if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up;  she goes out with the girls a lot.  I try to stay awake ...

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although  not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She  motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to  read her book. The...

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.The next day the kids came back and one-by-one began to tell their stories. "Johnny, do you have a story to share?", the teacher asked."Yes ma'am," Johnny replied. "My daddy ...

  Oxymorons 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?2. Why is the third hand On the watch Called the second hand?3. If a word is misspelled In the dictionary, how would we ever know?4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?5. Why do we say something is out of whack? Wh...

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife; so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached his house. The man stor...