maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.WARNING: Consumption of alco...

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who was the pig that did this to you? I wa...

A road crew supervisor hired a nice-looking blonde woman to assist with painting the yellow line down the middle of the road. He was skeptical about hiring her, but she appeared enthusiastic and told him that she really needed the job. He explained to her that her work day would be to complete 2 ...

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the ...

In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.   The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day." The clerk responded, "That's our problem today...

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of sce...

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shout...

Ensign Montgomery, newly graduated Annapolis, is holding morning muster. " Jackson ?" "Here!" "KIBBEY?" "Yo." "STEPHENS?" "Present, sir." "Robbins?""Yo." "SEEBACK?" (Nothing) "SEEBACK?!" (Still nothing) "DAMMIT, SEEBACK!" This is when the chief quietly tells the ensign, "Turn the paper over, sir."

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian." The agent said, "Sir, I hate to t...

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the ...