maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

Virgin Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota,takes a lightning quick kick from a cow... right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. 'How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance...

Investment tips for 2012 With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and Acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America this might be some good advice. For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floo...

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbors male dog at her house while they were away on vacation. She had a large house however and believed that she could keep them apart. As she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. Sh...

Some of the places I have been to in life. I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an air...

Bad computer viruses INTEREST GROUP ECONOMIST VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. ECONOMETRICIAN VIRUS - Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent o...

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name.3. Help someone when they are in trouble, and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.4. Many people a...

  The HISTORY OF NEW MATH1. Teaching Math In 1960s (when I was in school)A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ? 2. Teaching Math In 1970s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the pr...

The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: "What do you do at Christmas time?Patrick addressed the class: "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home  very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then ...

Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives.The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and kne...