maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven."You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, i...

Drinking quotes"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." ~Frank Sinatra~"When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading." ~Henny Youngman~"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case....Coincidence? I think...

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfathe...

A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic...

Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk..."They told me at the blood bank this might happen.""This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me.""Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably got here just in time!""I wasn't sleeping...

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't s...

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood.""We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."The first bat replies, "Who ne...

Bumper stickers I love animals, they taste great.EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later. "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a b...