maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

An Irishman by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real. The young lass stormed out the door and threw it back at her future...

It was a hot day...Helga hung out the wash to dry and then went downtown to pick up some dry cleaning."Gootness, it's hotter dan hell today," she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street .She passed a tavern and thought , "Vy nodt?"So, she walked in and took a seat at the bar.The bartender...

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas. Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle ...

A teacher asked her class to name things that ended with 'tor' that ate things.The first little boy said, "Alligator." "Very good James, that's a big word."The second boy said, "Predator.""Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done."Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."After nearly falling off h...

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.  They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.  He then stopped by the feed store and pic...

An 86-year-old man goes for a physical.  All of his test results come back normal. The doctor says, " Gary everything looks great!  How are you doing mentally and emotionally?  Are you at peace with God?" Gary replies, "God and I are tight.  He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when...

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WH...

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a deserted beach in Boca Raton, Florida.   She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.   Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conv...

A man passed out on the beach in Miami for four hours, and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to the front of his legs above his knees.He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain...

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they werewalking past the hospital swimming pool Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.Edna promptly jumped into save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the...