maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.4. There is great need for...

An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I got you a job. It's a one-liner." "That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything. What's the line?" "Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent. "I love it!" says the actor. "When's the auditi...

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Abe, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant one day. Sid asks Abe, "Do you know if any people of our ancestry were ever born and raised in Mexico?" Abe replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter." When the waiter arrives, Abe asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" The wait...

A very distinguished lady on a plane from Switzerland found herself seated next to a nice priest.She asked, "Excuse me, Father, could I ask a favor?" "Of course, my child, what can I do for you?" "Here's the problem...... I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an...

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! "Later, the lion confronts a wildebeest and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jung...

One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles."Wow Bob, looks like you g...

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring.'Yeah right!' she says.A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. T...

A 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up.... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child! So what do youthink about that Doc?"The doctor considered...

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is."Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says th...

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, ...