maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there. When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary increase and greate...

REAL T-shirt Slogans 1. "Frankly Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam." (seen on Cape Cod) 2. "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old) 3. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up" 4. "Procrastinate Now." 5. "Rehab Is for Quitters." 6. "My Dog Can Lick Anyone." 7....

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, ta...

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the cas...

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.I was thinking that wom...

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said; "Well,...

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.8 years old.Hateful little bastard.Bites!FREE PUPPIES.1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.FREE PUPPIES.Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.Father is a Super Dog, able to leap ...

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?''Yes, I am. I married the wrong man..'A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: 'Husband Wanted'.Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'A ...

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death's doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with ev...

Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The dete...