maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

A beautiful girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating room, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether ev...

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next ...

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WH...

Comments made in the year 1955 - "only" 55 years ago."I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00." "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.""...

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump and chest.After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have t...

Puns for Educated Minds1. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.2. No matter how much you push the envelope, itll still be stationery.3. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.4. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a bana...

A young Arab asks his father:  What is this weird hat that we are wearing? It's a "chechia," because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun! And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?It's a "djbellah," because in the desert it is very hot, and it protects your body!And what ...

The following were purportedly taken off of actual police car videos around the USA..."Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.""So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?""Yes, Sir, ...

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart,only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shoppi...

Quips "To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost." --Gustave Flaubert *** "The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not." --George Bernard Shaw *** "Wh...