maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime?A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.Q. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?A. Only one, but it might take all day.Q. What's the biggest gripe of retirees?A. There is not enough time to get everything done. Q. Why don't retirees mind b...

At work there were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde, who worked together at the office. Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too. Near the end of the day...

An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian hands over th...

A woman brought a very limp duck                 into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his                 stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly                 said, "I'm sorry, your duck, C...

A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar." With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?" Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray f...

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong."Yes, Nurse Tracy" said Mr. Wallace."My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes ...

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her upand never let her down.   He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.   He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.   He will enable her to...

An elderly Jewish couple were having dinner one eveningwhen the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in hisand said,                 "Emma, soon we will be married 50 years, and there'ssomething I have to know.  In all of these 50 years, have you ever beenunfaithful to me?"     ...

A woman wakes up in the middle of the night and niticed that her husband isn't in bed anymore.She gets up and goes down to check out where he is. She finds him staring at the wall, tears in his eyes.She askes: "what's going on, darling?"After a while he answers: " Do you remember the first time w...

A man wanted a $500 loan. He approached his local banker, who asked what he planned to do with the money."I'm going to take some jewelry to the city and sell it," the man replied."What do you have for collateral?""I don't know what collateral means.""It's something of value that would cover the c...