maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

X-mas stamps A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. Shewasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then...

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and pick...

A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland, near Grants Pass, OR. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land so she started to climb the big tree. AsShe near...

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, "Don't worry,...

A young minister was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave - side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held in cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there. As he was not familiar with the backwoods area, ...

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in themail.The economy is so bad I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behindthe counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf.The economy is so bad if the bank retu...

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?""Oh," replies the husband, "she's my...

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he k...

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York two days before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough. "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other ...