maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

Splinters A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland, near Grants Pass, OR. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land so she started to climb the big tree. ...

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel " pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land".   Nearly 75 years ago , Roosevelt said, " Lay down your shovels , sit on your asses , and light up a camel , this is the promised land"...

Children Mrs. McGervey was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father O'Flaherty.The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. McGervey and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?' She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'The Father asked, 'And be ther...

A little old lady A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 b...

Blonde Horseback riding A 30-year-old blonde decides to try horseback riding for the first time. With no lessons, nor prior experience, she mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide fr...

A Scotch with two drops of water A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy yo...

The Accident A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So.... you're a man. T...

Innovative Ideas The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation.His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father...

Marriage humorWife: ' What are you doing? 'Husband : Nothing.Wife : ' Nothing...? You ' ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour. 'Husband : ' I was looking for the expiry date. '--------- --------- --------- --------- -----Wife : ' Do you want dinner? 'Husband : ' Sure! What are my c...

Live to be 80? I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab test, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"He asked, "well, do you smoke tobacco or dri...