maurice cohn's (vipermoe) Blog

Pregnancy questions and answers Pregnancy questions and answersQ: Should I have a baby after 35?A: No, 35 children is enough.Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?A: Ch...

Paint the Porch A blonde moves to Beverly Hills, hoping to find an acting job. After a couple weeks with no luck, she decides to go around to some of the rich people's houses and see if she can do some odd jobs for them to make a little money. She finally goes to one house, and a guy and his wife...

Soap Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He ...

The Flatlander A flatlander walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The flatlander is suitably impressed, and buys it.The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would o...

Coach At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and sked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?'The little boy nodded in the affirmative.'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'The little ...

Five Surgeons Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything insi...

A few Days off I decided that I needed a few days off and realized that I had run out of vacation time already. I figured the best way to get the Boss to send me home was to act a little crazy, thinking he'd think I was burning out and give me some time off. I came in to work early the next day a...

Ventriloquist A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas .With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blond jokes.Suddenly, a blond woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough o...

No ears Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby ...

Holy Land A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.00." The man thought about it and told ...