Larry B Gray

  It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? (Pause as he listens.) How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" and promptly slammed the phone down.His wife rolls over and asks, "Who...

  A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So, they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures. Soon, they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures... the whole thing is just a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they're t...

  An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland." "How can you tell?" asked the American. "I can feel the cold air." he replied...

   Exercises for the New Century Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily, but my body doesn't want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. You are invited to use my program without charge.1) Be...

 One night, a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, even skepticism.Touched by this unusual display and the de...

  A teacher asks her students what religious objects they have in their homes.One boy answers, "We have a picture of a woman with a halo holding a baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it."The next little boy says, "We have a brass statue of a man seated with crossed legs and a Chinese ...

  I asked a friend of mine by phone what he was doing. He told me he couldn't talk because he was working on "aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel while under a dangerously constrained environment."I was impressed. Until the following day when I learned that meant he was "washi...

   Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." His older brother lean...

  At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains. "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another. "I can't turn my h...

  A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. "How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked. The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky. "You mean," asked the motorist, "that ...