Larry B Gray

  A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a ...

  1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!5. Are You Andy or Barney?6. I thoug...

  1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and re...

  When I stepped on the scale at my doctor’s office, I was surprised to see that I weighed 144 pounds.“Why don’t you just take off that last four?” I joked to the nurse’s aide as she made a notation on my chart.A few moments later, my doctor came in and flipped through the chart.“I see you’ve los...

 John and Nancy were married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding.They were discussing the details with their friends. Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her fr...

  An Army ranger was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had been dating two guys while he had been gone, she wanted to break up and she wants pictures of herself back.So the Ranger does what any squared away R...

  A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a stra...

  A guy was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended up in the hospital. His best friend came to visit him.The guy struggles to tell his friend, "My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside.""What does she read?" the friend as...

  The old gent was backing his Rolls into the last available parking space when a zippy red sports car whipped in behind him to take the spot. The young driver jumped out and said: "Sorry Pops, but you've got to be young and smart to do that." The old man ignored the remark and kept reversing unt...

    A Little Church Humor A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday ...and not too many weeks thereafter, just as services are starting, they show up. Attendance was good in the small Methodist church, and there wasn't a...